i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
