i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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