Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
