Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
