....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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