Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
