He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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