he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
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My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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