You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize