I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
