They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I could make wine with my vomit
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
