I understand Curling. That high.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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