so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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