She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
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I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
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Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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