I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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