2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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