he puts the penis in happiness.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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