while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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