last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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