you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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