thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
