i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
