in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
