apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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