wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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