i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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