ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
the condom got lost in my hair
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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