she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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