you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
