I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She's the barista slut.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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