The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
