I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
