omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize