i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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