Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
