chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
