i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
