Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
