You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
