we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
