i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
