I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
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you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
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I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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