Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
