if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
only you would photoshop your dick
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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