went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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