the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
