I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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