Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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