Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
