By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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