Just took my morning after pill in the library
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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