Your face is a jimmy john
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
