Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize