The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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