it wasn't lemon gatorade
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
