then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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