OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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