having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
