the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
