I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
