Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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