Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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