we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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