He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
