I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
