ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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