if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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