Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
