So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
