AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
