God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
