If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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